A Million First Dates

In a thread of tweets I scanned the other day, a few women were venting about how much they hate the "getting to know you" phase of relationships. I can relate. I've been on a whole heap of dates in my 30-something years of life and I can't think of many situations more awkward than sitting in a restaurant on a first or second date, playing 20 Questions.

What's your favorite color? What do you do for a living? Where did you grow up? How long have you been in [insert city]? Do you have siblings? Are your parents still together?

I'll pass.

What I've realized in recent years, though, is that "phase" never ends. Sure, we eventually get past the stage of back-to-back superficial questions that are asked as sad attempts to avoid the dreaded silence in the beginning. But if we do it right, we can spend a lifetime getting to know our partners. The quirks, the likes and dislikes. More things to love — or not — about your mate.

I was thinking about all this the other day when I realized something "quirky" about The Boo: Instead of saying, "you look nice" or "I like that dress on you" or whatever, he'll say something like, "Look at you with your little dress on" or "you got your rock-star shirt on, huh?" It took me a while to realize this is his oddball way of giving me "compliments." And that's just one simple example of the new things I learn or become conscious of about him every day. Some I love, others ... eh. But I love the journey. Becoming aware of things even as simple a his delivery of compliments heightens our understanding of each other and helps us communicate better.

It's a deeper adventure that makes suffering through all those first-date surface questions well-worth it.