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Men’s Biggest First Date Complaints Revealed

According to Modern Day Matchmaker, men have some complaints about you ladies out there in the dating world. So be honest ladies, which offenses are you guilty of doing?

• Being Late With No Warning

• Dressing Inappropriately

• Poor Eye Contact and Fake Smiles

• Phone Addictions

• Poor Manners

• Talking About Your Ex

Source: Men Reveal 7 Biggest First Date Complaints

Relationship TMI: Is There Such a Thing?

I've often heard people say that your romantic partner should be your best friend, and I tend to agree. However, I'm beginning to think the philosophy has its pitfalls. Or maybe it's just the way I view BFF-ships that's flawed.

I've always thought of a best friend as someone you tell pretty much everything, and admittedly for me, "everything" may very well include a whole lotta TMI. Dreams, desires, secrets, embarrassments, bedroom discussions, ailments, insignificant or life-altering — no subject is off limits with my best gal pal. And I can't seem to turn off my unfiltered personality with my best guy, either. (I think I dubbed him "Rico" in an earlier post, so we'll stick with that.)

Rico and I were close friends for a few years before we ever started deucing it, so by the time we added the love element, he already knew the darkest secrets of my past, my history with men and every dysfunctional thing about my family and upbringing. The fact that he loves me despite my imperfections and confessions, makes me love him more. Lately, though, I've been thinking I should probably keep a few things to myself.

Most recently, I mentioned to Rico that a guy I used to date off-and-on said he'd found a woman who "might be the one." (How did this even come up, you ask? Here's the simplified story: Old Guy — who Rico has always known about — and I are in the same organization and the organization recently went on weekend trip out of town. Rico called one night while I was on the trip and asked what the group was discussing. I divulged.) Rico, has since been asking me how I felt about Old Guy having a new boo. The truth is, I'm cool with it. There's a reason Old Guy and I didn't work out; I accepted that a long time ago. But I'm beginning to suspect that Rico is not fully convinced, although I've given him no reason not to believe me, other than my mentioning it to him in the first place. This has me second-guessing my unfiltered ways. Not that Rico has ever judged, criticized or thrown anything in my face. I'm just starting to wonder how my over-sharing might be affecting him. He's shared things with me that I admit have made me squirm a little, but I'd still rather know than be in the dark.

Sound off, Gems: How do you define "best friend"? Does your mate/BFF need to know everything? Is withholding certain info a setup for relationship failure? How do I discern what to share/what to keep to myself?

Dear Gemstones: Guys are fighting over me...

Dear Gemstones,

Hey! So I'm in 24 yrs old two guys are fighting over me (I know.... awesome but yet terrible, lol) One of them, I have known for a long time. We grew up together and we talk all the time. The other I really don't know very well and recently just met him thru mutual friends. Guy #1 and I get along great but Gyu #2 and I really clicked immediately. Now that I am for sure that both guys are interested in me, I am not sure what to do. Should I date one and dismiss the other and if so, which one? Should I date both – but at what cost as far as issues are concerned?

The main problem is that they both know that the other has feelings for me. Our town is small so people end up in the same places often. When these guys see each other out and about, it usually doesn’t end well. It hasn’t gotten physical but there has been a constant exchange of words.

Please Help!

Desired and secretly loving it!

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

If you would like to submit a letter to the Gemstones for advice. Email us with the subject "Dear Gemstones". We believe that you can't make all the mistakes in life yourself so you should learn from others.

Disclaimer:
30s & Life Blog respects your privacy and take protecting it seriously. Emails received requesting advice will be shared on the blog but WILL NOT list your email address and any identifying information in the email body will be blocked/omitted for your protection. We ask that if names are included, you change the names to protect parties involved. No email will be forward outside of the 30s & Life Blog email account.

 

Ladies, Is This All You Need To Be Happy?

Recipe For A Happy Wife

Ingredient List:
Love
Honesty
Support
Patience
Respect
Trust
Joy
Faith
Sex

Directions:

1. Begin with love. She’ll want your unconditionally, even on her worst days.
2. Trust in her and the decisions she makes with and for you and herself. No wife wants to feel like you’re suspicious of her thoughts and actions. If you want her trust you must give her yours.
3. Have faith in your marriage and your future together. Not believing in your success as a unite is the fastest way to put a frown on her wife.
4. Share your joy with her and make sure she has her own to share. A healthy relationship needs happiness as much as it needs love. Consider it the oxygen and water she’ll need to survive the hardest of days.

Read the rest of the list at: A Homemade Recipe for A Happy Wife

Sound Off! 

Do you think this list is complete or is there something you would like to add? 

Need Advice? Ask the Gemstones:

Sometimes we all need some advice about something. When the advice we seek is about a situation that could be embarrassing or we just do not want others to know about, we feel as though we have no where to turn.

This is where the Gemstones come in. We are a group of 30-something ladies that have experienced many things in life. Some good, some bad but we are all stronger because of those experiences.

We started out encouraging one another and over time our sincere encouragement began to reach others. If you need unbiased and honest advice about a situation we urge you to contact us. You don't have to ponder on things alone.

If you would like to submit a letter to the Gemstones for advice. Email us with the subject "Dear Gemstones". We believe that you can't make all the mistakes in life yourself so you should learn from others.

 Disclaimer:
30s & Life Blog respects your privacy and take protecting it seriously. Emails received requesting advice will be shared on the blog but WILL NOT list your email address and any identifying information in the email body will be blocked/omitted for your protection. We ask that if names are included, you change the names to protect parties involved. No email will be forward outside of the 30s & Life Blog email account.

8 Warning Signs That He Is Just Using You

Unfortunately, I believe that too many of us has that one friend (maybe two) that would rather settle for an un-fulfilling relationship than be alone. When you truly care about that friend it hurts you to see them being treated that way. What I wonder is if those women are even aware that they are being used.

1. You Pay Every Time You Go Out

Take out, you pick it up and pay. Going out, you cop the bill. Vacations, you front the expenses. Bottom line, he is pimping you. When a man allows or asks you to bite the costs ALL THE TIME it is a tell-tale sign that you are being used. Say “no” just one time and watch his response.

2. He’s Only Available When He Needs Something from You

Your car broke down and he told you to call AAA…unacceptable. His car breaks down and he is seen around town driving the gas out and running up the miles on your car.

3. Financially Dependent on You

He lives with you – rent free. Okay, let’s say that he doesn’t live with you but is just over all the time. Guess who is saving on bills in this situation. Why go grocery shopping if he can always depend on you to feed him?  I’m not saying to never ever cook for your man but don’t empty out your savings taking care of him.

4. You Are His Convenience

“Never make someone a priority when you are just an option” – Know that! Holidays are not spent with you because it’s not convenient for him. Any woman that matters to her man will matter on important days. Did you meet his mom on some random day but never got invited to a family event? There is meaning behind that. Think about it.

5. Emotional Blackmail

He didn’t get promoted at work, how is that your fault? It’s not but he found a way to blame you. He cheated and you found yourself apologizing. This relationship is a dead-end, let it go!

6. He Never Buys You Anything

If he only buys you something once every two years, you are being used. If he promises to buy you something and you never see it – the other woman got it. Unless some crazy financial situation is going on, there is no excuse. Every man knows it is important to buy his woman a gift.

7. He Doesn’t Need You for Anything but Things That He Needs

He needed a place to stay while he “got on his feet” and you gave it to him, he needed a car to drive because he wrecked his and you gave it to him, he needed money for rent because his check was low and you gave it to him….notice a trend here?

8. He Never Takes Your Feelings into Consideration

When a man cares deeply for you, he never wants to see you hurt or disappointed.. If your mate routinely makes you have negative feelings – he is not the man you should be wasting precious time over. Stop before it’s too late. Growing old and alone is not what you want

Do you know of anyone being used in a relationship? 

Please share this article. Tweet it, Facebook, Google+, or email. Let them read it! 

If you realize right this moment that you are the one being using, 

we hope you get out of that situation soon.

 Credit: 8 Warning Signs That He Is Just Using You

Selling Out My Friendship

When my friends become a part of pyramids and networking marketing companies, it makes for an awkward relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s a good idea for everyone to have multiple streams of income, and I don’t knock any legal way someone tries to achieve those multiple streams. I just know what’s not for me. And I am NOT a fan of any company that operates under a network marketing model or a that requires me to pay money to make money. I’m not a salesperson and I don’t like to feel pressured into a purchase by someone trying to earn a pink Cadillac. Seriously, I can spot a random "independent beauty consultant" from a mile away just by the sales pitch-y compliment she goes out of her way to give me in a grocery or department store. Not that I can’t be supportive of my friends who sell — I’ll gladly buy some lipgloss or a sex toy from you or let you host a makeover party at my house — but I won’t sign up to sell anything “under” you.

A certain friend I’ve had since high school seems to jump into all of these companies, sticking to none. She’s constantly signing up for a chance to get rich quick, each time making our friendship “awkward.” Why is it awkward, you ask?

1) This friend has an advanced degree in the medical field and makes six figures easily in that field, yet she’s always “broke” for some reason. I don’t get it. 

2) She’s not really passionate about makeup or legal services or however many “linx,” hence why she’s always dropping one for the next. I think she’d be better off finding a second income stream doing something in her field or something that she really loves. 

3) Each time she gets involved with a new company she approaches me like I’m a stranger and gives me the same canned “this is an AMAZING opportunity to make extra money/be your own boss” speech that they taught her word-for-word at the seminar. This, despite knowing already what my answer will be.

Each time I say “no, I’m not interested,” she gets an attitude. Awkward. This time she’s even resorted to not returning phone calls, leaving me to wonder, am I a bad friend? Am I not supportive? I’m so over it at this point. I’m about THISclose to giving up on trying to make our friendship work.

What do you think, Gems? Could this be because she views me as not supportive? Should I keep reaching out to my (former?) friend? Or accept that we’ve likely grown apart because of all this and let her go pout and sell?

SOUND OFF!

In Love vs Love

This is quoted words from a conversation between five professional 30 year old woman about being in love versus loving. These women are in various levels of relationships, from single to married.

A:

What is y'all opinion about loving someone and being in love with someone? Relationship wise. Every time I listen to Lauryn Hill I think about this.

B:

You mean like is there a difference between the two?

A:

Yea and what is enough to keep a relationship going? When we were younger I get it didn't really matter but at this age, I think understanding the difference is more important.

C:

I agree with understanding the difference. I think love is a feeling... it can be for anyone not just a Boo. In love is a deeper connection.

B:

I think if you are in a relationship then you are in love with that person. Otherwise I don't see how it progressed into a relationship. I do think that love can change as a person changes and the relationship changes

C:
A deep romantic love!

A:

I'm constantly getting questions around that topic from my single friends but it's hard to explain. For me it was a feeling. I've had love for past relationships but my husband is the only person I have ever felt like I was in love with. Like he is really a part of me that I need to survive.

C:

I think there are levels like "B" said... even to being in love with someone.

A:

I def agree with levels. Some guys I have liked more than others. Some I have questioned their existence.

A:

I think that liking someone plays a big role in loving. I can love everyone but I don't like them

C:

I have been in love and I have loved. There is a HUGE difference! I have a self preservation thing inside of me though. At some point that will trump in love and love for anyone. Every thing we love or are in love with is not good for us!!!

A:

You have to love yourself first. Protect your heart.

C:

Yeeeessssss. But for some women... well even men... loving someone else means forgetting about loving themself.

A:

In my experience, that won't work for long. My husband used to get so upset with me over that. When I didn't love myself, he didn't want to be around me. I get it now.

C:

That can be a dangerous line because the person with low self-love or self-esteem could start feeling dependent on the love from the other person.

A:

That is exactly what happened , I was draining him emotionally.

C:

My ex husband was like that. He took any disagreement we had to mean I did not love him anymore.

D:

I think there is a great difference. Love has many sides.... It is not black n white and everyone shows and receives it differenty. I think it goes from like.... to love.... to in love. I think its gradual... not instantaneous. I think like makes you want a relationship. Love opens the door of bonding and vulnerability. But in love steps in when all hell has broken loose but you fight to make it work anyway.

C:

I think in love is when you accept the person faults AND annoyances. Cause before that you are still giving them the side eye. Like "You do what?"

E:

I agree with all of y'all. There's really not much for me to add. Expect love not only makes you accept flaws it makes you sometimes overlook them altogether.

A:

Overlook? Naw...I still see that ish!

C:

lol I'm with "A". I SEE it! I just don't flip out or get the itch of annoyance or irritation.

D:

"E" you are right about overlooking.....or explaining away their flaws.

E:

I mean, it's like that saying, "nobody's perfect until you fall in love with them"

A:

I get that, but I love my husband because he isn't perfect. His imperfections make him perfect for me.

C:

To me a person's flaws makes them who they are.

A:

If he was perfect I would feel the need to be perfect then I would be miserable

C:
I agree completely "A". It is the full package of them that makes me love them and fall in love with them. 

Do you agree with one these women? Disagree?
Do you think there is a difference between loving and being in love? What do you feel is different?

"To be loved, to be loved! Oh, what a feeling, To be loved!"

This past weekend I saw my husbands love for me really put into action. He tells me loves me often, buys me gifts, and does things for me without being asked - I know he loves me. However, last weekend was different.

While on our journey of trying to conceive (TTC) we found out that my tubes were jacked all up and down. They were useless - yes "were." I had surgery to have them completely removed so that we can proceed with IVF.

Throughout the entire process my husband never left my side. When I was discharged to go home he truly catered to me and did every and anything he could to make me feel better. I have not had anyone care for me that much since I was a child and I had the flu. My heart was bursting with love.

This entire ordeal has caused me to see my husband in a different light. He is an awesome man and I know he will be an awesome father. We have talked more than once about his role as the man of our home. His duties include being my protector, my provider, and loving me unconditional. He is my Boaz. I appreciate him greatly for taking his role seriously.

Ladies, when you are looking for a man to settle down with, it is qualities like these that matter. As women, we spend so much time nurturing and caring for others but what happens when we are the ones that need nurturing?

When was the last time you were shown TRUE love? 

Talk about it.

Post title: Lyrics from "To Be Loved" by Jackie Wilson

52 Week Money Challenge

Happy New Year!

It is still the first week of the new year so it isn't too late to start participating in some weekly activities that will contribute to your self-improvement. A few of us gemstones have actually agreed to particpate in the 52 Week Money Challenge that is posted on AllThingsMW. In my opinion, each week only requires a small sacrifice that will contribute to a nice payout at the end of the year.

If you think you need some support with holding yourself accountable, there is a Facebook group for the challenge, you can join here → 52 Week Money Challenge │ Facebook

We're in! Are you?

Living a passionate life

I read an editorial on the HuffPost site the other day that posed the question: Is bad sex ever a good reason for divorce? I’m not married and my sex life is fine, so I wasn’t reading the article seeking the answer to that question. Actually, I don’t even know how I landed on that page so I wasn’t expecting to take anything away from the article at all. To my surprise, though, I had a major breakthrough after reading it.

The writer tells the story of a friend who decided to end her marriage because she and her husband weren’t having sex. The writer thought her friend was making a brash, unwise decision to break up her family. But for her friend, the decision to divorce was based on something deeper than the lack of sex. She no longer wanted to live her life without passion.

Passion. That was my takeaway and it’s my word for 2013. A life without passion is really not much of a life at all, is it?

I think the main reason my sweetheart and I work so well is because there’s so much passion between us. We like different things, we see the world differently, and outsiders may think we make the oddest couple ever. We fuss and argue just like any couple, but we always find room to laugh, build each other up and — because this is an anonymous post I’ll freely and proudly say this — we have sex like I’ve never experienced before in my life. It’s always with the same level of love, intensity and vulnerability that practically brings me to tears each time. He’s passionate about pleasing me and I him. Would I leave him if we lost that? Probably. It’s the same way I want to live the other areas of my life from now on, too — putting 110 percent into things I love and purging things that are routine, unchallenging, unfulfilling or just don’t “do it” for me. If I’m not passionate about it, I won’t fake the funk or go through the motions. If I lose passion for my day job (which is already starting to happen), it’s time to put the wheels in motion to find something else.  I want to live out loud this year and every year I’m blessed to see after this. Any other way is just not worth it.

 

I challenge you all to live your most passionate life, as well. Happy 2013, Gems!