Hi Gemstones!
I hope that my email gets answered because I really need some unbiased opinions. Once you see what I am asking you will understand why I can't ask my "friends" for help. It seems like I always let bad friends in my life, they end up being just horrible to interact with. Eventually I decide that it would be just best to separate myself from them for a while. But somehow I forgive and end up interacting with them again.
The same thing happens over and over with different groups. I thought I was pretty good at judging folks character but now I am second guessing that. Some of these people have been friends for 20+ years others I have recently met. I'm starting to think that everyone on this earth is a terrible friend.
How do I stop letting bad friends in my life? Could it be me?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
From your email, I don’t get a sense of exactly what makes your acquaintances "bad." And I can't answer whether it's something you're doing wrong. I’ve heard people say it is a reflection of you if you keep attracting the same types of people. In many cases that's true, but not always. What I can say is, some people are meant to be friends forever, others grow apart — it's sad, but natural. No need to force a friendship that's not working; just accept that it doesn't and move on.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, though, you’ll find that fully moving on may not be necessary; you just have to love certain people in a different capacity. For example: Say you have a friend who is hard to deal with when she’s tipsy. Any time you hang out at a bar or a club she acts a fool. Well, you don’t have to get rid of her completely, just make her the friend you go shopping or to dry events with only.
Forgiving people is a healthy habit, but it doesn't mean you have to go back to hanging tough with them, particularly those who haven't shown any signs that they've changed. If a person hurts you more than once in the same way, the third time (if not the second time they do it), it’s on you. A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself: Does this person add any value to my life? If the answer is no, eliminate them because you have to look out for you first. Don't let people drain you especially if they never replenish. Cutting toxic people off doesn't make you a bad friend; it’s called self-preservation.
There are good friends out there. If you are a good friend to others, you can find people with as much to offer. Good luck!
You did not describe 'what' is making these people such horrible friends. But the fact that you are crying out for help is enough for me to suggest writing down what you want in your relationships. This can be regular friendships, relationships, family, co-worker, any type. Write down what you desire in them. And then... this is the hard part. Require it!
ReplyDeleteIf you want positive, reciprocally beneficial, and supportive relationships. Start by deciding to have them, requiring them, and giving that in your relationships of all types.
My first thought when reading this was... is she a bad friend herself. Are you a person who starts drama or keep it going? Are you a person who lets any and everyone lay their problems at your feet or even take on their problems? This may explain your friendships.
Decide to make a change and do it!