Control vs. Respect: Where Do You Draw the Line?

I was watching a few back-to-back episodes of "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" the other day and the relationship of one of the characters (yes, I know it's a "reality" show, but I still call them characters) made my backside itch. If you think I'm talking about Kenya and her delusional situation with Walter, you're wrong. I'm talking about Porsha and her marriage to Kordell. From her not being allowed to have business meetings at home in his absence to him granting her "permission" to go to L.A. with the girls — it all just screams "way too controlling." Sure, I get it: Respect your husband, let him lead, etc. I'm all for that. But Porsha takes it to new heights. She already lacks her own identity. From what I've seen, it's all tied to the recognition, accomplishments of others (she's the granddaughter of ... the wife of ...) — fertile ground for the likes of controlling men. And the notion that allowing herself to be that controlled is somehow respect for her man is a complete fallacy.

But as bad as Porsha and Kordell's dictatorship of a marriage makes me want to scratch, there's another type of relationship that irks me even more. At the extreme opposite end of the relationship spectrum is the complete disrespect of a partner. I see this every day in the way one of my coworkers treats her husband. When he calls her at work, she yells, she smacks, she talks down to him, she gives him instructions like he's hard of understanding, she cuts him off mid-sentence, she scolds him. She has young sons, so a few times I thought she may have been speaking to one of them. Nope, always her husband. One time she started screaming at him though her teeth before realizing that whatever the problem was, it wasn't her husband's fault. When she got off the phone with him, a bolder coworker among us who had also suffered through the loud conversation asked had she planned to apologize to her poor husband for the misunderstanding. She flatly responded, "no."

Now, I don't know the details of their home life, but I can't imagine it's much different from what's portrayed in their daily phone conversations. And I'm no Dr. Phil, but I'd say that essentially cutting your husband's manhood off every time you talk to him is a disastrous look for the marriage. She even jokes sometimes that she has 3 children at home, adding her husband into the count of folks she actually birthed. Not cute. And, ya know, he may truly be hard of understanding, but why marry someone you feel like you have to raise, not to mention emasculate in the process? It's that type of treatment at home that some men use as their excuse to do unsavory things, which in turn causes their women to lead the infamous "all men are dogs" chant. A vicious cycle.

The line between Porsha Stewart and the Man Emasculator may be thin, but we have to learn to walk it. Find the balance. Every relationship should have just as much room for unity and mutual respect as it does for individuality. That's the only way to grow, both as separate, free-thinking individuals, as well as a strong couple.

But, hey, I'm just one opinion. What's your take, Gems?