Dear Gemstones,
My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years. Until a year ago our sex life was hot and heavy. We always were creative in the bedroom and both were very satisfied with the sex life. In the last year the sex with my husband has hit rock bottom. No more spontaneous sex, no "creativity" with the sex, and he only last about 15 good minutes. We have talked about the problem and his answer is I should be more patient with him. Well my patience has about ran out. I even suggested he go see a doctor to make sure nothing medical is going on. His ego has not allowed him to make the appointment. I do have toys that I use to please myself but I didn't marry a toy... I want my husband. I don't want our lack of sex to end our marriage, but I am not sure if I can continue in a marriage when I am not pleased sexually.
Please help!!
Sexually Unsatisfied
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Hmmm … this is a tough one. There are so many possible variables that could be contributing to this problem that a solution can be difficult to pinpoint. I’m glad to hear that you’ve discussed your dissatisfaction with your husband because too many couples let communication fall by the wayside. But perhaps you should try a different approach so it sounds less like placing the blame on him. His health could be a contributor but it may not be. You mentioned the lack of creativity; are you leaving it all up to him? Are you doing all you can to spice things up? If the trouble is that he’s not “lasting,” try longer, more creative foreplay that allows you to reach orgasm. You say you noticed the decline about a year ago. In that time have the two of you experienced a major life event, say, the birth of a child? A job loss? Have you or your husband gained a significant amount of weight in that time? If you have, your husband may be having trouble getting used to it and trouble articulating that to you. If he has gained the weight, he may be feeling less confident. These are all just examples; there could be a million other reasons that I can haven’t touched on. Good sex plays a key role in happy relationships. But open dialogue and willingness to work on your problems are important, as well. If you’ve explored and discussed all of the possibilities and your husband’s health is all that remains in question, perhaps a counselor would be able to help your husband see the importance of putting ego aside to take care of his health and your sexual needs.
ReplyDeleteI agree, I'm glad that you have communicated your frustration with your husband. But it sounds like he has heard you but he is not listening. I'll never understand why men shut down when there are problems that need to be addressed because your marriage depends on it. I would suggest attempting to bring more creativity to the bedroom. costumes, movies, role playing, etc. maybe he needs something new to turn him own. and also, ask him is there any about you that is decreasing his sex drive. I wish you the best because sexual frustration in a marriage has torn too many apart already
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