I'm Angry....

...nobody better get in my way.

I'm 30 and trying to live saved.
I'm 30 and trying to start a family.
I'm 30 and trying to find a career I can be proud of having
I'm 30 and not where I thought I would be....

Together, all those things are making me an angry person.

I love God, I really do but it seems like I am the only one in my age group that doesn't want to live for the things of this world. This makes for some very lonely days and nights and situations where I find myself backsliding badly. I have my husband but what about girlfriend time. I don't need to curse to have a conversations, I don't want to attend secular concerts and events, and I like to do things that uplift people. Good clean fun.

When I was younger the only things I really wanted in life was to be a wife and mom. I'm a wife but due to infertility issues outside of my control my blessing of being a mother is delayed (I'm praying that it's not denied). It seems that everyday someone new in my life is pregnant - talk about a slap in the face. I try to be truly happy for them but I'm angry - angry at myself. Then listening to parents complain about their children drives me insane - people do not appreciate what they have until it is taken from them. I have to bite my tongue and walk away from those conversations.

For 6+ years I have been stuck in this glass ceiling job. There is nowhere to go and the worst part is that I don't even want to be in this field. I took the job out of desperation and fear of not being able to pay my bills. Now I feel stuck. I am trying to get back into the field in which I went to school for but in this economy jobs are hard to obtain. I thought about doing my own thing but I am clueless about what I can do well enough to get paid for doing. I feel lost.

All of this contributes to me not being where I thought I would be in life at age 30. That alone is enough to make me want to punch a wall. Still, I try to focus on my blessings that the things that are going well in my life. It's hard but it is something that I must do in order to maintain my sanity. At the end of the day I still find myself angry. Things need to change soon - I must get to work. Please pray for me.