Dear Gemstones,
I recently got divorced and have two kids. I was with my ex for about 8 years. I would like to get back in the dating world. I am not looking for a rebound relationship or necessarily a long term relationship. I want to date and have fun. Here is the problem. I don't know how to do it. And I am unemployed and have been for about 2 years. In addition to that I suffered from depression as a result postpartum and abuse from my ex-husband. I am a lot better and being treated, but worry that these things will be an issue in dating. Do I tell a man these things? I want to know how I should go about dating or even just having fun. I am also concerned about dating since I have kids.
Sincerely,
Newly Single
Posts
Dating is often tough terrain to navigate whether you’re divorced, a single parent or none of the above. And you are dealing with a host of other personal challenges that can make dating even tougher. You mention you are healing from postpartum and abuse, so I’d advise making your mental/physical well-being a top priority so you can be the best you for someone else. That is not to say don’t date. But when you do date, keep an open mind and do it purely for fun, with no expectations other than simply having a good meal or a good time (and being treated nicely, of course). Also, don’t shy away from dating multiple people at a time; that will lower your risk of falling into a rebound relationship simply because one guy is your “only option.” As far as what you tell the men you date: Your depression is not something you need to share up front. If things begin to lead to a serious relationship, then share that. You also don’t need to volunteer the fact that you’re unemployed. If a date asks, though, be honest. You can offer free or inexpensive options for dates, as well. Be honest about having children up front. But your children don’t need to meet any of the men until you’re in a serious relationship or feel it is heading that way (but I’m sure you knew that already). No need to expose your kids to someone you don’t know well or someone who may only be around for the short term. Finally, as far as having fun in general: Keep the company of people with positive energy and who like to do the things you like to do. Stay away from people who are messy and love drama. And believe that you deserve to have fun. We all have personal struggles but we can’t forget to live life. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI haven't had to deal with this sort of situation but from what you are saying it sounds like dating may need to be placed on the back burner for now. Take some time to your self and discover who you are. It's not far to the "new guy" if you put out there a person you are not sure of.
ReplyDeleteGo hang with the girls, pick up a hobby, find joy and excited with yourself first before focusing on someone else. We may not intend to do it, but if we are not happy with ourselves we will expect someone else to do it for us.