Years ago at an office party, my then-supervisor came in with a man I
assumed was her significant other. But when she introduced him as “my
friend Matt,” I figured I’d assumed wrong. Mere days after that office
party, my 40-something supervisor came to work sporting an engagement ring from Matt.
That sequence of events had me all confused: Why had she introduced him
as her “friend” when he was clearly something more? I decided then that I was not a fan of anyone labeling a significant other "friend."
At the time, I was young and in love, and anyone who knew me knew
that “Danny” was my boyfriend — not my friend, not some title-less guy
who accompanied me places. He was my boyfriend, unmistakably.
Fast
forward a decade. Danny’s a thing of the past and I'm head of heels in
love with "Rico," my heart of a little over a year. We're not engaged,
married or even co-habitating, but by all accounts we're in a
relationship. The passion is there, the love is there, the friendship is
there, the exclusivity is there, the long-term potential is there.
There's only one problem: I cannot bring myself to refer to him as my boyfriend. And "friend," as my former supervisor used for her man, is definitely not a solution to my problem.
When
I introduce him to friends and family, he's Rico; he's not "my
boyfriend Rico" or any
other *insert label* Rico. He's just Rico. The crazy thing is, I'd never
had a
problem with the word "boyfriend" before now. I don't know if it's our ages —
I'm 30 and he's pushing 40 — that make the terms "girlfriend" and
"boyfriend" seem odd, or if it's my reluctance to put what he and I
share into a neatly labeled box. Or could it be the tiny voice in the
back of my 30-year-old mind that begs the question: What title really
matters besides "fiance/fiancee" or "husband/wife"? Sure, I like the
parameters of our
relationship to be clearly defined between us. When people ask if I have
a boyfriend, I say yes and we conduct ourselves accordingly. But then again, does it really matter what people know? I love the private pet names we have for each other and the small public displays of affection. I just
don't know how I'd feel if he were to ever say "girlfriend."
What do you think, Gems? What could be a reason for my sudden
disdain for "boyfriend/girlfriend"? Do you have a similar issue with
those titles?
*Diamond*
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As I got older I wasn't too keen on the use of the title "boyfriend." It just sounded childish to me. Of course people would ask "is that your boyfriend" - because they are nosy - I would say yes but I didn't like using the title. I would just introduced him by name. I don't have a problem with using Friend because hopefully your mate is your friend. You are definitely not alone in this feeling.
ReplyDeleteEmerald♥
I agree that using the term boyfriend and girlfriend feels strange once I passed 25. I do not look at people strange who use it though. I think it is an easy and appropriate way to show a person's relationship status. I have heard women use the term "My Honey" or "My Love" and I really like those. It is like a mature way of saying boyfriend.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Emerald. Friend is a good term because your mate should be your friend. But with that said... "boyfriend" has friend in it...